With all being down and writing my stories in my everyday blog, something positive happened. Oh yeah, I was sleeping well but all of a sudden due to some discomfort, I woke up.
I was tried but still, something inside me said “ Remember the Fastai shit you got pending? When you planned to finish it?”
Not a coincidence this happens every day, but taking action towards it is what lacks in me. For so many fucking days I was waiting for a moment to get started breaking my inner omens out and do what I really want to do.
I don’t believe in quotes that say the greatest competitor is yourself (or) nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.
My greatest barrier wasn’t my physical state or my day-to-day circumstances Instead, it was myself just me. I tried to make everything right all at one cramp, but things take time. To pull out off unhealthy habits which I picked up throughout the days doesn’t fade away in an hour or a day.
It took me months to develop my confidence, me crying about it on journals craving for it. At times confidence shows up bits of moments and goes away like a heavy tide on a windy day.
Likewise the windy day we can relate to my circumstances and pair confidence with the heavy tide. How bigger my confidence was but at a point in time it blinds away from me all of a sudden.
When all of a sudden at 1 AM midnight, when something weird happened in my dream reminding me there is something I gotta do. I woke up, you know I tried my very best to hold my momentum. On my mind, there was a made-up thought if I fell asleep by now, I was afraid my confidence would be blown away too.
I controlled my sleep, I know sounds stupid but I don't wanna lose the momentum too. Everyone has different ways of doing things, I know about myself and my mind is such a gamer.
Played the game by myself, and pushed me with no sleep but with full of confidence and an intent to finish this thing off. Surprisingly I didn’t feel the heaviness of sleep at all, tbh I didn’t try or controlled it that much.
There was something in my mind, which I wanna get done. My dopamine was craving for that, the feeling when I accomplished it would secrete those hormones which pump my dopamine makes me feel excited and satisfied.
Eventually, it did, the end product was such fun. I felt even more confident after getting the study session well and most importantly with consistency.
At last, I could count on myself to push myself towards nothing but positivity and working on my perseverance.