For almost a couple of weeks, I shut down everything, things I was put on machine learning, personal development, trying to wake up at 5 am, reading almost everything I was doing.
I can't say it was burnout instead a moment of feeling irrelevant. What I was doing all day long without a goal except to brush up my self gonna get me nowhere.
I was shooting arrows all day long without a target board on.
In a more precise way, I wasn't connecting the dots in whatever I was doing. There is no use in doing things when we fail to connect one thing with another and make most of it.
What I really want to achieve?
That was the biggest question in me, It all fine I was doing some good shit but it didn't give me the entire fulfillment. Well, it doesn't mean I hate what I was doing all before either.
I failed to construct a bridge between my progress and goals.
I have dreams of initiating a startup, but for the past 2 years, they been fuming just through ideas. I consumed a lot and still doing every day, but fail to put them into action.
But the interesting thing was, for the past couple of weeks there were great things going on within me. I was living on my best unproductive days and I accepted it and was my choice for obvious.
I would wake up late, stare at my phone while in bed, spent time watching Mr. Robot (it was fucking lit! hands down), football videos, silicon valley on repeat then blog.
But during these times, an anonymous feeling kinda planted inside me wanna be out of these unproductive days. It was stimulating better ideas where I could focus on, but I was more into ‘ Is Tyrell Wellick really alive? ’.
On the contrary, I was writing down those ideas whenever I journal. It was outstanding how my mind was able to process things that never meant to be in the light when I was productive. It's crazy!
The problem with me is expecting instant results, which never happens. It takes time sometimes more time than I could imagine, rather than hurrying the process I gotta dwell on it.
Those above two things came to light on my best unproductive day. Halting myself all of a sudden hitting the unproductive way of life came in handy, which I never opted for.
And once again it's all our mindset get to know it better, I am self-talking for almost hours these days which could help me real me rather the social me.