It’s time now

Something odd happened today and something which shook me up totally. Physically my body hasn’t been good for the past few months, my skin became pale, my hair became frizzy enough where I can’t run my fingers through it, began to develop a little tummy underneath, in short, physically I let myself down.

After a shower today I began to notice my hair was hard and unhealthy and observed few grey / white hairs. That was an absolute shock, I wasn’t able to do anything. I googled, I never cared about my body ever what I am eating, what they do to my body? I never cared.

I used to shut myself in the room for hours and comfort myself in a rolling chair which I bought months ago and never show up to the outside world only if there is really a need. Concerning and sacrificing my time, work for others but never cared shit about me. I thought convincing and making others feel good was always the need. But they don’t give a fuck about you after their jobs are done.

Stacking up realizations through pain and experience made certain things clear to me. What I am up to now not gonna benefit me. In fact, will slowly kill me if I let it.

It’s time to take care of myself. From my body to my mind and time to hit the reset button to reshape everything into new. Neglect things that are holding me back and add in things that could help me find a better me. Prioritize me among others which I never did ever in my life, always wanted to let myself down or give up for others. It just fucked me sideways instead and put me into nothing but depression.

Hard times over hard times made me lazy and pushed me into the room where I can get myself out, writing this from the same room.